Either out to the curb, or out for sale in the yard, what are the items to part with in these crisp, autumn days?
Out with the three grocery bags full of toothbrushes I thought I would give away at the door this Halloween instead of sugary snacks. It’s a fact: despite all the government warnings, kids still like sugar.
One, large, inflatable ghost; three cardboard headstones (slightly used), and several mini witches whose glowing eyes have stopped burning, even after I changed the batteries. Witches do not last as long as they used to.
Also, to go, the Caitlyn Jenner costume that I hastily assembled out of a wig and some snazzy Goodwill dress, though I never wore it, because I found out that apparently everyone was going as her/him this year. It’s true, I am such a chicken. And, soon, if I claim to actually be a chicken, I will receive federal funding for doing so. Better to skip the costume and just tell everyone that I am going next year for Halloween as a male. They can guess about the rest of the story.
Scott Walker and Donald Trump Presidential race stickers and yard signs. I put them in the same bin with the Joe Biden stuff. Yes, it’s true, Donald Trump has not officially exited the race yet, but, with the actual election still an entire year away and already one year along, who really has time to pay attention to who is actually running anymore?
Volkswagen stock, for sale. Not much else to say on that one.
Several empty vases, shelves full of them, from years and years of Sweetest Day, Bosses Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc, floral deliveries. Do these places ever offer, in the spirit of being truly “green,” a vase recycling and exchange program?
One iPhone 6, for sale. I could not resist the pull of taking photos (with the shiny new 6s) that look ever so slightly animated.
Ski equipment and this year’s ski pass, also for sale. El Nino is coming in the clouds, and it will separate the sheep from the goats, with the sheep on the right and the goats on the left, and it will rain down favors on certain drought stricken territories, and it will bring a curse of ever lasting mild temperatures to the Midwestern ski industry (so we are told). I figure I’ve won some points with that deity by driving a hybrid car. I don’t want to make it angry by attempting to ski, so I am just going to quit now while I am ahead.
And lastly, for sale: my soul. It’s true that I am indeed yet another victim of an anxiety-prone, consumer-driven, and narcissistic culture. Please pray for me if you would.
While you are, I will be out shopping. The Christmas items are already in the stores and I now have shelf space to fill.